Just Being a Male Can Be Deceitful.. ;)

Sex, Lies, and Conversation

Directed Freewrite, Page 246 - "Describe a conflict you have experienced in trying to discuss something with a member of the opposite sex (or invent a conflict). Then discuss how your application of some of Tannen's ideas might have helped resolve, or at least explain, the conflict."

Arguments with the opposite sex can almost seem exhausting. Sometimes I feel entrapped as if there’s no easy way out of the issue at hand. About a week ago I found myself in one of these situations and it wasn’t very pretty. However, if I would have read this essay prior, I think I would have found myself in a less messy situation!

Deborah Tannen explains why many women think that men are stubborn when it comes to heated conversations. In order to fully understand why men are so different than us women, there are a few things to consider first. First, the bonds between boys are based less on talking and more on doing things together (Tannen 242). Since they don’t talk as much as girls do, we should probably consider that they don’t know what kind of talk we want. Also, their group of friends are usually larger and are more hierarchal than our friendships with other women (Tannen 242). This might be a reason in why they don’t like listening to our problems, because it might make them feel like they are lower down on the ladder. These are pretty obvious, but I feel as if not that many women consider them a factor in relationships or friendships with men.

These few facts would explain why my guy friend and I got into an argument last week. One of my friends tends to compulsively lie to me and our group of friends. It doesn’t matter how close he is to the individual he’s lying to or whether or not he’ll get caught, we will still find him lying constantly. After awhile, I finally just got fed up with one of his lies and completely caught him off guard by calling him out on it. During the argument, it didn’t seem to be close to resolving anytime soon, and he didn’t consider anything that I had to say. Tannen explains how in her example of boys in tenth grade how they dismissed each other’s problems, while girls typically respond by asking questions and expressing a sense of understanding (Tannen 243). This would explain why he was so dismissive with my allegations, even though he admitted that he was lying. I found this completely frustrating that he wasn’t listening to anything I had to say because he didn’t seem like he was saying much. According to Tannen, men consider overlapping and finishing each other’s sentences like women do as an intrusion and lack of attention (Tannen 243). I wish I would have known this at the time!

We eventually came to a conclusion, but it seemed like a thirty year long war to get to that point. After reading this essay, I can now consider how the other sex works and why arguments tend to be more of epic proportions rather than subtle with another female friend. Thanks to Deborah Tannen I can now maybe find a way to win every argument with the opposite sex, and I’m being dead serious! :)